超級盃球盲
最近和兒子關係不太好，先生對我說，你太不了解美國文化了，你知道二月三日是超級盃嗎？你能和兒子談超級盃嗎？你怎麼對這偉大的超級盃一點都不知道。
我真的一點都不想知道，我們小時背唐詩宋詞，我的兒子背什麼？就是背這些超級大個子幾年幾月幾日搶到一球，幾年幾月幾日被人推倒，美國的運動文化實在太強悍了，強悍到佔據了男孩子百分之八十的記憶力和百分之五十的時間。我雖然了解入境隨俗的道理，可是運動就是運動嘛，怎麼可以取代真正的學問？
如果這個家裡還有一人在各種賽季中保持清醒，那就是我了。
不過也許先生說得對，基於對兒子的愛，愛屋及烏，我也應詃去愛他們所愛，所以今年二月三日，我看了來美後第一場超級盃。
我和兒子同處一室，問了許多問題：
「藍衣是新英格蘭隊？」
「是。」
還想問紅衣是紐約巨人隊嗎？還好沒問。
我知道他絶對不喜歡我在旁滔滔發問，可是看到這一幕，我實在忍不住了。一個人抱著球躺在地上，七、八個人拼命往他身上壓去，一群人就這麼挨在一塊兒好一會，難道他們跑累了趁機躺一躺，還是擺pose給媒體拍照？
「他們為什麼那麼做？」
「因為他們還在搶球。」
什麼？連我這種球盲都知道幾百磅的人肉壓著，那球還有得搶嗎？要搶頂多底下兩人搶，上面躺著七、八個人都在幹什麼？因為跑得太快煞車不及只好往前撲嗎？
美式足球和其他球類運動最不同的，就是你永遠不知道球在哪裡。一開始，兩隊各十一人，怒目相對而蹲，然後忽然散開，你追我跑，總是這麼玩一陣子，才忽然看到球橫空而過，落在某人手中。這人抓了它，像搶到金磚似的，拼命往懷裡揣，然後所有人馬全部要追趕他，非把他懷中的金磚搶過來不可。
美式足球最有趣的，是它的原始，它的道理非常簡單，就是小朋友最愛玩的搶寶貝遊戲，有人得了一寶貝，所有小朋友馬上分成兩邊，一邊要搶，一邊要擋。籃球、足球、排球，網球，甚至桌球羽毛球的重點都是在球，用手腳或器械來搶球、奪球、制球。美式足球則是靠球員的衝撞，搶、躲、跑、纏，十足陽剛生猛。
依我所觀，美式足球有如下特點：
1. 因衝撞激烈，全身除內臟外通通需要保護，所以個個球員都被撐得像個大金剛。
2. 場地特別平坦美麗，長一百二十碼，寬五十三碼，橫向每五碼劃條線，前後兩頭各十碼是得分區，得分區後還有一高架，作用不詳。
3. 基本技巧可簡述如下：傳球時像籃球，踢球時像足球，抱人時像柔道，帶球跑時像逃難，人盯人時像老鷹捉小雞，得分時則像瘋子。
4. 得分要訣其實很簡單，只要跟隊員說，你們搶的是金磚，搶到你就成千萬富翁，全隊馬上士氣大振。攻方十碼十碼前進，四「當」(down)不成換莊，攻守易位，「當」成了連莊，再來十碼。目的是衝入敵營十碼得分區，可得六分，是為「特級當」(touchdown)
我看著球賽，想到一個簡單原始的遊戲竟然可以演變成如此複雜和華麗的競技，不禁咯咯發笑。我相信我兒子這輩子沒有和一個莫名其妙咯咯發笑的人共看超級盃，看到他臉色越來越沉，我趕快閉嘴。
然而看到這一幕，我又忍不住了。攻方往前攻不成，竟然朝後方老遠把球丟去。
「他為什麼這個做？」
「這是策略。」
什麼？連我這種球盲都知道把球往後丟那麼遠，這輩子別想再往前得分了。
我現場看過一次美式足球，地主是奧克蘭骷髏頭隊(Oakland Raiders)，從高高的座台往下看，翠綠場地上二十二個穿著鮮艷的彪形大漢像萬花筒一樣忽聚忽散，煞是好看。我從頭到尾不知球在哪裡，有回鼓起勇氣拍起掌來，卻被人笑：「你加油加錯邊了。」
球賽儘管精彩，可是老是被廣告打斷。超級盃的廣告最強調創意，越驚人越好。一小時看下來，得此結論：美式創意離不開爆破 (也許是要反映超級盃的強大衝擊力)，所有東西都可以炸開，連一個follow your heart這種溫暖訴求，都是一顆心從一個女人的胸膛中跳出來。
球賽越來越激烈，我的眼睛卻越來越疲倦。看來這次和兒子的交心之舉是失敗的，在問了許多蠢問題後，他巴不得我離他越遠越好。
留言
It was the first time I saw a receiver use his right hand and head to catch the ball.
發表: giants fan | February 6, 2008 12:00 PM
American football was designed for college men to spend their extra energy at the end of the day, instead of going for panty raids.
The only time the ball was kincked is when shooting the field goal. All other times, players are using hands. Their grabbing, tearing, and piling up resemble the stone age mating calls.
Believe it or not......
發表: QB | February 6, 2008 01:19 PM
American football has failed to gain a foot hold in Europe. Neither it will in China.
It's a game played by huskie fellows, especially by the black (in most cases)who has such brute strength and who is led by a white quarterback (in most cases) who uses his head to excute the play.
It is a unique sport in America and only American can appreciate such a violent game.
發表: peace on earth | February 6, 2008 01:56 PM
I think the point is the father particularly the immigrant fathers needs to learn some degree of the American culture so he has the common topic to open a channel to communicate with his son. I would suggest the father tries watching the football again and again with his son and learn from him about the rules.
發表: Anonymous | February 8, 2008 05:03 AM
版主的這篇文章很有趣。ＱＢ 和 Ｐeace 說得好。
“運動”是進化了的人纇，可以公然展現潛藏自舊石器狩獵時期的嗜血獸性。迷人處，在於可安全地享受競技的刺激，無需灑血，又可執行現實“職場叢林”所缺乏的公平與正義。運動場上不容殺人不見血的陰招。
由於沒有“溶入主流”的意識，也無本身正受同儕壓力的狂飆期子女，需要來溝通或拉攏情，所以超級盃一開打就轉臺，離座去洗碗或澆花...廣告才回來。
喜歡上歐式足球，第一次從頭看到尾，是在西臘的一間小酒館裡。老板、廚子、伙計和賓客擠成一堆在電視機前喲喝世界盃。點了晚餐，３０分鐘後，一盤面目猙獰的３分鐘快炒才端上桌。
歐式足球員多有著優美的肌肉線條。看著那一雙雙扎實結棍的美腿在場上疲於奔命地運球.. 好似一隻隻豐美多汁的素食動物來回在草原上晃...豺狼虎豹的觀眾，能不流涎嗎？他們的汗水自然有機地揮灑在青翠的草地上。不像美式足球那些小頭粗脖的“大棵呆”，流的體液，也像是飽含過多生長激素地，被包泡在塗佈鐵弗龍的緊身球衣內， 實在很不衛生。
喜歡歐式足球，還有個原因：注意到沒？每次一進球，全世界的解說員都會很激動地以咱們四川話大喊：「哥...!」
四海都有中國人哪！ 很是親切。
發表: 刁卿蕙 | February 8, 2008 05:15 PM
要知文化有差異，
硬拿美足比英足，
這樣說來太主觀，
馮京可能變馬涼．
小鞋子不好意思講，讓我老爺子講．
四川人的省罵是【格】不是【哥】．
發表: 川老爺子 | February 9, 2008 09:06 AM
"川老爺子”的文化觀很正確，很客觀。很抱欠對“省罵“沒時間研究。要學的事太多，人生太短，不容瑣碎。
發表: Tiao | February 9, 2008 12:00 PM
correction:
Greece 是 ”希臘“。
發表: Tiao | February 9, 2008 12:14 PM
格老子, 美足不美.
小女子, 愛希臘人.
發表: 老子 | February 9, 2008 11:55 PM
美足不勝收，
希臘有文明，
格了他老子，
小女只愛刁．
發表: 滄海遺珠 | February 10, 2008 07:43 AM
「川老爺子」每天從早到晚用不同的化名，在 WJTalk 上搞破壞。這麼賣力，一個月可以拿多少薪水？
發表: CIA 之友 | February 10, 2008 08:02 AM
川爺愛小女子
小女子愛希臘
希臘人來美國
愛上美國女子
共看足球同樂
發表: small world | February 10, 2008 09:01 AM
中美共同看足球, 文化交流.
發表: 美人愛刁 | February 10, 2008 10:22 AM
Tiao = 蕭
Diao = 刁
GLZ = 四川的省罵
TMD = 中國的國罵
發表: 美國人 | February 10, 2008 02:15 PM
美國國罵是F
發表: 美人 | February 10, 2008 11:49 PM
台灣省罵是什麼?
發表: 中國人 | February 11, 2008 12:27 AM
國際奧委不允許美式足賽
發表: Anonymous | February 11, 2008 03:25 AM
是少口飯吃嗎？怎麼把自己的寶貴生命活得如此不堪？試著作個頂天立地，光明磊落，超越種族疆界的美麗人纇吧！
提省自己，人生只有一回，一次的機會。
邪心犯鬼神之忌，出言傷天地之和，為惡釀子孫之禍者，不配成為“美國”人及天國子民。
發表: Goalie | February 11, 2008 12:55 PM
There is no goalie in American football, but only in soccer. I take that you don't know or care about AF.
God and Devil walk down the street. A dollar bill blown by. Devil picks it up. God says put it down. Devil asks, "why"? God says, "it does not belong to you". Devil says, "It's environmental protection, resource recycle, besides, I can buy a cup of coffee with it". What would you do if you find a dollar bill laying on the street?
發表: Gofor | February 11, 2008 02:23 PM
Dear Gofor, I'll pick it up and let you have it. It seems that you're capable of using it in a good way.
發表: Goalie | February 11, 2008 05:03 PM
Goalie:
Thanks but no thanks. Go to the church and give that dollar to God.
發表: gofor | February 12, 2008 01:58 AM
When Hillary becomes the president, Bill Clinton is asked, "What's the difference between greeting the Queen of the UK and the president of the US?"
He replies, "You only have to get on one knee to greet the Queen...".
發表: Anonymous | February 12, 2008 02:20 AM
A guy wants to be rich. He prays to God. After few months of continuous prayers, GOD appears in front him.
The guye asks, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
God replies, "A minute."
The guy asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
God replies, "A penny."
The guy says, "Can I have a penny?"
God replies, "In a minute."
發表: Anonymous | February 12, 2008 02:44 AM
Gofor, I'm not a churchgoer, though I love Jesus. Maybe we should give that dollar bill directly to the poor guy.
發表: Anonymous | February 12, 2008 10:30 AM
Goalie: Just the other day, I picked up a dollar bill on a street. I went to a store and bought an instant lottery ticket with it and won $1. Then I bought another ticket and won 10 bucks. Then I bought a $10 instant ticket and lost.
That dollar generated about $6 of fund for schools and hospitals. Man, Uncle Sam wants us to spend money and thus keep the economy rolling.
發表: gofor | February 12, 2008 10:52 PM
Gofor, 買 lottery 是很不好的行為, 十賭九輸啊，切記，切記！以後可以試試挹注球賽，勝算較高些。版主或可提供資訊。壓她加油的另一邊 就對了...
發表: Goalie | February 13, 2008 12:54 PM
It costs only $1 for a hope to be a millionaire, though the odd of winning the top price is very small. Sports gambling costs more.
Lottery not only provides funding sources for the education and hospitals, but also gives people a hope for tomorrow.
發表: gofor | February 13, 2008 02:02 PM
Goalie, you don't sound like a gambler. Here is a gambler joke.
One day Jayne went to a bank to deposit the money she had won from the casino. She handed over $5,000 cash to the cashier who then called her boss to look over the transaction. So a few minutes later the bank manager appeared. Curious of how Jayne came to have so much money, the bank manager started to ask questions.
"How did you get the money?"
"Well", she replies, "I'm a bit of a gambler..."
"Really?!" the manager replied, and started to give Jayne a lecture about the evils of gambling.
"Not really, it's fun!" insisted Jayne. "I bet you $5,000 that your balls are square!".
The manager was a bit shocked, but after thinking of it for a moment. He concluded that there was no way he could lose the bet. So they went out into a car on the parking lot where Jayne could check his balls. Standing by the car was a man wearing a gray suit.
"This is my attorney," said Jayne. "He's here to make sure everything is legal." "OK" said the bank manager, so Jayne unzipped his trousers and squeezed his
balls. "You're right, they're not square!", Jayne said.
The manager smiled and looked over to the lawyer, who at this point was banging his head on the car door. Confused, the manager asked Jayne, "What's wrong with your lawyer?"
"Oh, I bet him $50,000 I would have your balls in my hands in 10 minutes."
發表: gofor | February 13, 2008 02:37 PM
The camouflage won't last long. You're pathetic indeed.
發表: Monitor | February 13, 2008 05:31 PM
It's a typical American joke.
Isn't WJTalk for freedom of speech?
發表: Anonymous | February 13, 2008 10:29 PM
For every philosopher, there is an opposite philosopher. For every action, there is a reaction.
In heaven, an angel asked God, "What is mind"? God answered, "No matter". The angel then inquired, "What is body"? God replied, "Never mind".
If one is still reactive and opposing, the heaven gate is not open. One is reincarnated back to earth as a.........
發表: gofor | February 14, 2008 01:28 AM
好萊塢導演史蒂芬史匹柏宣布辭任2008北京奧運藝術顧問，國際特赦組織、紐約「人權觀察」等組織及許多運動員紛紛聲援。紐約時報報導，道德威信一人值百的老史計畫鼓勵更多人對北京施壓。路透報導，史匹柏只是個開頭，抵制京奧並非上策，但老史登高一呼，如果更多有心人士、政府、企業、他國奧委會響應，壓力可觀。
中國的媒體全是國營，沒有片言隻字提及史匹柏的宣布，言論檢查機關則讓海外衛星電視報導開天窗。到13日深夜為止，中國外交部表示需要更多資訊才能置評，北京奧運籌委會表示正在準備反應，籌委會指定的全球最大公關公司Hill&Knowlton則尚無表示。
北京大張旗鼓已久，四面八方公關做足，要把本屆奧運會做成一座空前國際大舞台，宣示中國已由農業國成為工業大國，但史匹柏退奧，北京的如火如荼的公關攻勢碰到一道不易跨過的高欄。
表達蘇丹問題 北京漠然
史匹柏過去十個月來兩度致函中國國家主席胡錦濤，表示他有意視中國處理蘇丹問題的態度，決定是否出任京奧藝術顧問，去年9月還為此事面見中國駐聯合國代表團。北京似乎一直沒把「戲子」的話當回事。老史努力一年不得要領，真的走人，北京有點措手不及。
西方演藝界的紅星或名流如喬治克魯尼，以及聯合國親善大使女星米亞法蘿，都為蘇丹問題奔走，在京奧8月8日開幕前，問題的曝光度勢必只增不減。
得過歐洲聯盟最高人權獎的蘇丹律師歐斯曼說：「所有為人權奮鬥的人都只能憑良心來努力，但中國必須回應國際社會的要求。」史匹柏也說，蘇丹情況如彼，而中國涉入的程度如此，良心不容許他和京奧籌委會簽約做事。
一般的看法是，以中國在政治、軍事、經濟上和蘇丹政權的密切關係，在緩解蘇丹危機上的潛力冠於全球，不收手，或沈默，等於為這個政權製造聯合國所說「地球上最大人道災難」的行徑背書。米亞法蘿等人日前向中國駐聯合國代表團紐約總部送交公開信，說：「北京怎麼可以在家裡主辦奧運會，卻在外面為種族屠殺背書? 」
分析家不認為施壓有用
為蘇丹問題努力的人士，去年開始將北京奧運取名「種族屠殺奧運」，北京後來同意聯合國維和部隊進駐蘇丹的決議案，有人認為是顧忌這個標籤所致。那是中國唯一的讓步，但實際上繼續買蘇丹的石油，供應蘇丹武器，並在聯合國為蘇丹政權張目。史匹柏的聲明說，他已不敢寄望中國會在減緩蘇丹人道災難上多盡絲毫力量，因此死心而決定不和京奧有任何牽扯。
「人權觀察」表示，北京當初爭奧，曾以人權籌碼拉票，應該兌現承諾。
不過，外界奔走、疾呼，成效可能有限。倫敦顧問公司「風險控制」的蘇丹問題分析家拉赫表示：「我想，事情還會這樣繼續下去。中國對這種施壓向來非常抗拒。我不認為這次施壓會有什麼作用。」
【2008/02/14 聯合晚報】@ http://udn.com/
發表: Anonymous | February 14, 2008 09:48 AM
Spielberg ought to stay on in Beijin Olympics as an anti-communist and human right advocate, gradually influence CCP in his articulate ways. Pulling out would make him ineffective.
發表: Anonymous | February 14, 2008 12:41 PM